This last week has been pretty blah. Just some cleaning, some trying to get Adam to potty (he hasn't done anything except play on it in over a week now), and some getting frustrated to tears over sleeping battles, potty battles, and boys just being boys at times when I didn't have the patience to handle it. I even called Jeff one day, while having an emotional breakdown, and he came home from work 2 hours early to take the boys downstairs and keep an eye on them while I rested and accomplished stuff. He saved me. It was my second breakdown that day, and even with his help, I was constantly on the brink of a third until late that night.
I want to talk a little about sleep and potties and get some advice (or help!) but first, I want to share the cutest thing that happened in the bathroom at Chuck-a-Rama's the day that I took Michael there. I can't believe I forgot to mention it when I blogged about it the first time, but that blog was too long anyway.
So, here's my "cute little girl' story:
After Michael and I had eaten, I went to the restroom. Normal enough. As I was washing my hands, a little girl with big eyes and blond curls, maybe 5 years old, came in with her big sister. The sister went into the stall, and the little girl went strait to the paper towel dispenser and got a paper towel out. She then stared at me a moment and asked, "Do you need a towel?" in her tiny little voice.
"Not yet, but I will soon" I replied in that voice that people use when they talk to little ones. So she stood there and watched me until I turned the water off, and then she gave me the paper towel. I thanked her as I took the towel, then she said, "In primary, I learned that we are supposed to serve others. But today is not Sunday anymore. Today is Tuesday."
Smiling and repressing a giggle, I said, "Actually, today is Thursday. I'm very glad you remembered your primary lesson. I'm a primary teacher, and I don't think my kids remember the lessons for very long."
At this declaration, her eyes got really big and she asked, "Do you know me?"
"No. I teach in Senior Primary...I teach the 10-year-olds."
"Oh. Do you know _____?" She said the name of someone who I assume is an older sibling of hers.
"Nope, I'm sorry. I teach at a different church house than the one you go to."
Here, she looked very confused, like the idea of another church or church building had not occured to her. She's obviously still young enough that life beyond her little world does not exist. That other people she's never met have daily activities and feelings and churches. At this point, I'd dried my hands beyond the point of dry and thanked her again for serving me so kindly. Then I said goodbye and walked out, just grinning. What a perfect example of what we hope our children will learn and do. I doubt that the specific example of getting a towel for a stranger in a bathroom was ever given in her primary class. She must have thought that up all on her own, and it just made my day! It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, the kids I teach occasionally internalize something I teach them.
Okay, my boys actually went down for a nap without protest today, and so I need to take advantage of that and get my own nap....I'll hurry through this as quickly as I can:
I NEED HELP
I'm at my wit's end and my patience's end with bedtime and potty time.
First bedtime:
When we first put the boys together in a room, they had problems, but mostly they did alright. A few weeks ago, Joseph learned how to open the door, and it's been horrible since then! We can't seem to get them to want to sleep together. Naps never worked in a shared room, and so for a couple of months we've put Adam to nap on my bed, Joseph on their bed, and I'll get the best I can get while on the couch. However, with only a couple of months left before Sammy is born, we need to train the boys to sleep together day and night. Nights have been bad. We tried putting a child-safe door knob cover on their knob and keep them in the room. Two days later they figured out how to take it off. The Jack-in-the-box game lasts hours, no joke, and we can't keep putting them in over and over and over and over. We have stuff we need to do! When Adam was Joseph's age, he got the hint within a few days. Joseph is just too persistent! If it's just him, I can stand on the other side of the door and hold it shut. He'll get mad a cry a few minutes, then usually give up and fall asleep. Only a few days has he persisted longer than 10 or 15 minutes. Sometimes I'll tie a rope from the door to another door and that will keep it shut and once he's been quiet a while, I'll remove the rope so he can get out when his nap is over. BUT we can't do that at night-time when the boys are together. Even if one falls asleep while we're doing the bedtime routine, the other will wake him when Jeff and I leave. If we hold the door or tie it, then they may give up, but Adam, knowing that parents are no longer going to give attention, will use that time to either play and play and keep Joseph from resting which makes Joseph mad, or he'll pick on Joseph and make him cry. Then we go in to calm Joseph and discipline Adam. Adam got attention. He wanted attention. He knows that works, and he does it again, and again, and again.
I know there MUST be a way to train them to stay on the bed, heads on pillows, no squealing (Adam's favorite "wake-Joseph" tactic) and leave each other alone. My younger sis and I did it pretty well most of the time! But I can't figure out the right motivation for either one of them. Last week we again started trying to put Adam to sleep on my bed, and later carrying him into his room, which usually works, but sometimes he or Joseph will wake up during the transition, and the cycle starts over. We put them down around 8....lately they play or fight until past 11 before they crash from exhaustion, have a poor sleep, wake up too early, and make my life miserable. What can I do? The easy answer is separate rooms, but that's not an option for us.
Potty. Adam no longer goes on it. He'll say he needs to, then he'll just play and fool around and waste my time and patience. Joseph is interested and will try to sit on it while Adam is sitting on it. Or to sit on Adam's lap. Or to reach into the bowl while Adam's on it. I can't lock him out of the bathroom....he gets into ALL kinds of mischief while unattended. I think Adam might respond to the no-diapers-at-all thing, and walk around free as ever for a few weeks...but I'm not willing to risk messes on the carpet and my kitchen area is too open to close off. And Joseph is still in the way and distracts Adam and me. I don't know what to do! I want Adam set in his potty abilities before Samuel is born, but there's not much time left and I'm just frustrated about it. Adam knows how. He knows the feeling before, during....he knows the routine, he knows he'll get candy or doritos (he LOVES Doritos) and lots of chocolate milk, all of which are rare treats. He knows how to tell me. But he wants his diaper. He doesn't care about being a big boy, or being like Daddy. He wants his diaper. Between his lack of motivation and Joseph's interference, I just don't know what to do! HELP!
Well, I'm going to get what sleep I can before Joseph wakes up...I know my time is short, as he has NOT been napping well lately. Thanks for listening to me vent. I look forward to any help you can give. Write me, call me, whatever.
Comments (1)
What a cute story about that little girl, thanks for sharing.
I'm exhausted just reading your bedtime/naptime woes! Sounds like you need the super nanny. Maybe you should write her show? It's worth a shot. I wish I knew what to tell you, but I don't. My boys are in the same room and rarely wake each other up. I don't say that to gloat in any way, just to tell you how I'm not sure how to advise you. The few times I have trouble it is with Jacob. If it gets bad I threaten to spank him and that usually works (I've rarely ever had to follow through with that). I have a strict routine that I adhere to and I truly believe that helps. The boys know what's coming and know their routing. Nap time is at 1 and bedtime is at 8. I have specific things that preclude each event that I do every time.. they simply fall into the pattern and, thank goodness, have stayed in it.
As for the potty woes.. I think that even though it might be hard for you for a while that you should simply get rid of diapers. Still use one at night since that control takes longer to learn. But put the diapers out of sight and tell him the during the day there are no diapers. I have a e-book that is really good that I have emailed you. If you have the paper print it out, if not read it while you can.
Here are some things I found helpful:
I have a waterproof matrress cover I got for $8 at Fred Meyers
I have 12 pairs of underwear
I made up a celebratory "potty dance" that we did for the first month or so each time he went potty.
I have different treats for the different potty. Plain M&M's for pee pee and milk duds or similar treat for poop. Use whatever will work for Adam.
I asked him every 15-30 minutes if he needed to go, usually he did. I now rarely need to do this.
Cottonelle flushable wipes that I used for a while after he pooped. He had a hard time getting used to toilet paper.
Lysol disinfectant wipes - I used these to quickly clean out the potty after he pooped.
I would have the potty chair in whatever room he was in for the first week as a constant reminder.
There is no single right way to potty train. Work through it and see what works for you and Adam. We still have occasional accidents, but he is day trained. I will work on night training when I feel he is ready for it.